From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
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this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
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proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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