I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
