just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
