Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
