My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
i out mim tonsoeep
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