a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
