if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
