Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
