I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
