Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
