fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
