I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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