My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
she pinky promised me she was 18
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
