I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
