I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
