Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
