Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
