Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
