The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
