Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
