Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
