so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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