He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
