puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
