I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
