Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
