Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
