I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
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I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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