can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
