So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
