and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
