it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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