So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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