I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Randomize
