google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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