Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
