Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
