It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
