Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
