Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
