Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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