if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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