I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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