I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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