these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
