i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
