He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize