I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
