So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
