I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
well I can't set my house on fire every night
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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