God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I puked a lego.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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