i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
