yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
