glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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