I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
