New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
