i don't plan on having that self control this summer
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
