Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
