I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I just blew my weed a kiss
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
