she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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