You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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