I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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