i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
