Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
