I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
