Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
