I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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