No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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