i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
