Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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