Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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