you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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