Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
