I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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